… on being the woman

I’ve been doing my best to  be a Buddhist practitioner for almost ten years. The essence of the Buddhist View is that everything (material, mental and spiritual) is shunyata – the uncompounded, limitless essence from which everything is born and everything eventually comes back to. So I’ve been trying hard to abide for as long as I can in this limitless state beyond all the concepts and dualities. That is, beyond male and female as well.

But here I am: almost 31 years young and feeling the feminine energy pervading my being like never before in my whole life. I am the woman. At times I feel like the Super Woman: not the opposite sex of the Superman, but the very essence of all the women. I find myself  being in this very open state radiating love. And in this open state I can also feel the pain of all the women on this planet. Seriously.

The pain of suppression mostly. And by “suppression” I mean not being a slave of a man but actually not having a possibility to be the woman. Ages of silencing women and putting them into the corsets and ridiculous shoes so that they couldn’t move freely. Generations of women who had to be the man of the family because their men became cowards and sissies.

And now we are talking (still!) about the freedom of women. But let’s face it, in all the so called 3rd world and developing countries women have to employ the masculine energy to fight for their freedom. They have to go out to the streets to fight for their right to vote (still in 2013!), have  a job, education and not to be raped! In all the so called already highly developed countries women have to step out of their masculine shoes and read articles like “10 ways to connect with your core feminine” or like this one where it is explained that women shouldn’t be  rivals anymore but work together in unity.

Basically what I was trying to say here, is that it is confusing to be the woman at times. Well.. not while you are listening to this tune ❤

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Celebrating Life

How do you celebrate life? With the sparkling glasses, stuffed turkeys and mashed potatoes? With the songs and dances? Or maybe with the stories of pain you went through?

I’m crying while watching this man talk, sing and jump. Not because the pain he went through is enormous, but because his heart is so big. Bigger than his hungry childhood belly. Bigger than the tanks of oil and the carats of diamonds and gold. And definitely bigger than the hungry belies those tanks and carats are trying to fill up.

 

… on shame and vulnerability

So recently I’ve been reading few books on family psychology where they explain it very explicitly how all those patterns we carry around are being formed in our childhood etc. But this TED talk has really hit me tonight. It really made me feel my shame and fear of vulnerability I’m hiding deep inside.

Brene Brown in her 20 min talk summarizes her research on shame and vulnerability. But I guess it is not only her words that touch me so deeply but also her warm manner of speaking. Essentially shame, she says, is fear of disconnection. To be connected with others is the most important emotional need of all the human beings. But in order to be really connected with someone we have to allow ourselves to be seen, to be truly seen. And that means to be vulnerable.

 

And here is another talk where Brene Brown talks more about the shame and specially about the different ways women and men are experiencing shame. Oh yes, that one really hurt or, rather, opened the wound…  The greatest woman’s shame: not being good enough, not being perfect enough.

 

… on transformations

So here we are in the year 2012, the year of the big transformations. For the last 2 years I’ve heard so much from my Mayan calendarists, conspiracy theorists and astrologists friends about the big changes which are going to hit the Earth and us earthlings on many different levels in this year 2012. And I did see the changes happening on Earth and in our society. Especially since the tsunami hit Japan and the radioactive particles spread everywhere and the economy fell apart like the house made of cards…  But now I finally see the changes happening on the personal levels.

I see people I know going through mental, emotional, spiritual transformations. I hear strangers telling their stories of change and quest. I hear so many people asking the question “how do I actually want to live my life?” And to me this is the proof that the long waited 2012 is here. I am glad to hear those stories of transformation although some of them are painful ones, but they all share on thing: they are the stories of growth.

In the last 10 years I had quite a few periods of painful transformation and I know how “pleasant” the karma washing machine is. So for the last few months I’ve been anxiously waiting till the shit is going to hit the fan.  But so far I’ve been only persistently pushed to open my heard and let the love flow. My personal 2012 story so far is the story of the open heart.

Welcome the transformation, my dear fellow earthlings! 🙂